Disclaimer for the PC: This is a joke. (even if there IS some truth to it)

Virtually anyone can be a Republican. Just simply quit thinking and vote that way. But if you want to be a GOOD Republican, there are some prerequisites you must have first. Compare below and see how you rate.

1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is God's punishment for those living an immoral life style.

2. You have to believe that it's ok to pay teachers peanuts and the heads of tobacco companies millions because after all, the economy is more important than children.

3. You have to believe that you need your guns to prevent the U.N. guys in black helicopters from taking over the U.S.

4. You have to believe that federal funding of art is evil, because after all, who needs the Lincoln, Washington, and Jefferson monuments, not to mention all those war memorial monuments.

5. You have to believe the few scientists employed by gas and oil companies about how global warming is cyclical as opposed to all of the other scientists in the world who have studied the issue. After all, the gas and oil industry wouldn't lie to us.

6. You have to believe that it's ok to oppress women and other minorities because, after all, it says so in the Bible.

7. You have to be for capital punishment although the Bible says "Thou shalt not kill" but against abortion, although the Bible does talk about "the breath of life" being when the soul enters.

8. You have to believe that what's good for business is good for you. After all, governments would never have built your Ford SUV and those fine Firestone tires.

9. You have to believe that environment isn't that important. After all, who really cares about ozone holes over Antarctica. It's not like anything important happens there.

10. You have to believe that deliberately oppressing people actually helps them by giving them the opportunity to rise above it.

11. You have to believe that wars and military interventions are basically ok when a Republican administration starts them to protect our interests and basically evil when a Democratic administration starts one to save innocent lives.

12. You have to believe that the ACLU is bad because it supports the whole constitution and the NRA is good because it supports a very limited interpretation of part of the constitution. And don't forget those black helicopters.

13. You have to believe that taxes are too high, especially those taxes on the rich who don't have to use ATM's.

14. You have to believe that Newt "Contract On America" Gingrich, Ronald "Iran Contra" Reagen, and George "Read My Lips" Bush, are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, or Thomas Edison.

15. You have to believe that standardized tests designed for middle class white kids growing up in the suburbs aren't racist.

16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is really the bitch queen from hell responsible for all evil in the world.

17. You have to believe that if all this government regulation was removed companies would be happy to make safe, reliable, cheap products to benefit everyone.

18. You have to believe that Bill Clinton is really the devil in disguise and is responsible for all evil in the world. (See #16 as well)

19. You have to believe that the "homosexual agenda" really exists and has somehow convinced the government to create and enforce the establishment clause.

20. You have to believe that the purchase of the government by a combination of tobacco, gas and oil, and other big company money is somehow in the best interest of the United States.